How To Fix Relationship Problems In An Instant (Even If Your Partner Refuses To Change)

One of the biggest insights I’ve had in marriage is that being in a relationship with my husband doesn’t mean that I have to wait for him to make our marriage better. Previously, I thought that to fix relationship problems, both of us needed to work at them with the same intensity.

There have been times when I’ve wanted things to be different between us. I wanted us to have deeper and more meaningful conversations. I wanted us to stop fighting about the chores and be able to finally see eye-to-eye about our household responsibilities. And I wanted us to be real best friends.

But what if I want all of this and he actually isn't that interested… then what do I do? 

Do I wait for him to desire the same things as well? Nope, the reality of human nature is that two people in a relationship will rarely want the same thing at the same time. This was frustrating for me at first because I thought we needed to want things in the same timeline, but when I discovered that we don’t need to be in the same timeline to experience these things, that was a revelation for me. 

My marriage breakthrough

When I realized that I — alone — could shift things in my relationship, I felt empowered to start creating the relationship I longed for. See, if I just blamed my husband for him not doing what I wanted him to do, I’m putting the responsibility on him for my happiness. But I realized that to fix relationship problems, it was up to me to channel what I crave and want to improve in our relationship as MY GIFT to the relationship. 

Instead of me bickering with my husband about the trash and dishes, I began to implement systems in our lives that helped us stay more organized and reduced the time we were spending doing chores. 

If I wanted my husband to clean up his closet, I cleaned up my closet first. 

If I wanted him to ask me better questions, I came up with a series of questions for him to ask me.

Learning to ask myself better questions

Whatever outcome I wanted to see in our relationship, I looked at myself and asked myself, how can I inspire this change? What can I do to influence my husband instead of wanting to control him? 

This mindset shift has helped me to fix relationship problems in an instant. Because I understood that if I kept blaming my husband, putting the focus on him, or waiting for him to feel like changing, I would be stuck, frustrated, and miserable for the rest of our relationship. But when I understood that I need to take personal responsibility for my happiness and peace of mind, and influence — not control — the outcome, I felt 100% empowered. 

So, I want to encourage and empower you. Give yourself permission to create the relationship and home life you want. Whatever you want to see in your partner, make sure that you focus on becoming that person yourself and you’ll see how the moment you start focusing on all you can do, you will become an even better version of yourself who will inspire the best in others.

Love this post? Pin this graphic!

Related Posts: